


not who i am

by moxleysbaby



Category: Harry Styles - Fandom, One Direction
Genre: Angst galore tbh, F/M, Gen, M/M, no happy ending, thats about it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-09
Updated: 2020-02-09
Packaged: 2021-02-28 02:07:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 966
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22636453
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moxleysbaby/pseuds/moxleysbaby
Summary: the one where Harry knows best
Relationships: Harry Styles & Original Character, Harry Styles & Original Female Character(s), Harry Styles & Original Male Character(s), Harry Styles & Reader, harry styles x reader - Relationship
Comments: 2
Kudos: 22





	not who i am

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so this is my first time in years writing for Harry so please go easy on me but absolutely send feedback! I hope you all like it and if you do then please leave a comment and kudos! x

“Where have you been?”

The door had barely settled into the frame before your voice called out to him. Standing in front of the doorway, looking like a deer in headlights, Harry’s head snapped up, eyes scanning for the source of the noise even though the living room lights had been on. Harry knew you were awake. It was why he had spent five minutes in the driveway trying to delay the inevitable. 

The fight. 

The questions. 

He knew it was coming and he deserved every piece of what you were about to say. 

“Harry? I asked you a question. Where have you been?” 

“Fuckin’ hell not even taken my coat off yet. Give me a bloody minute.” 

He knew it wasn’t the right way to respond. You were fuming and for good reason but he couldn’t help it. So when you blew up at him, he expected nothing less. 

Harry waited till the door had shut behind you before the sobs tore their way through his throat and out into the atmosphere, echoing through the empty living room which just minutes ago had been full of shouting. The blame for that was shared equally between you. 

He knew where you were coming from. He really did. He knew what he had said, what he had done was wrong. It was completely out of order. He had no right but it was done now. He wishes so hard that he could turn back time but he can’t. It just wasn’t possible. He’d do it in a heartbeat without a second of thought if it was possible. But no matter how much he wished it was, it just wasn’t. The damage had been done. 

He knew he shouldn’t have let you walk out the door. Certainly not with the way things had been left and certainly not considering it was his fault the fight had happened in the first place. It had been so long since you’d actually seen your fiance you were beginning to wonder if you had simply dreamt him up. But the clothes in the other half of the cupboard, the photos that showered the walls, the mug and spoon in the sink, the shoes by the door. It told you all that you needed to know. That you were living with the ghost of the man you’d fallen in love with. 

Small snippets of the argument played back in his mind as if to torture him further.

_“Excuse me?! What on earth do you mean ‘give me a bloody minute’? I have been waiting up for you like this for the past three weeks and I’ve had enough. It’s like I’m living with a ghost. I wake up, you’re already up and out, I go to sleep, you’re not back home yet. What is going on with you?”_

_“Why the fuck would you care, huh? None of your business anyways. Ain’t my mum and I’m a grown man. Can do whatever I like.”_

_“That’s bullshit and you know it, Harry. Maybe it isn’t my business but don’t ever say I don’t fucking care. That is bull. shit. Wouldn’t be fucking marrying you if I didn’t. But maybe I shouldn’t. You don’t give a shit about me. Don’t know why I give a shit about you. I should know better than that.”_

Now that, that was bullshit. You were so wrong. He cared about you so much but he couldn’t take responsibility for his actions. He had to say something back. Had to have the last word. Oh, how he wished he had taken the tongue lashing he deserved and not said anything back.

_“If you know so much then why the hell are you still here? Huh? Why don’t you just leave? If you think I don’t care about ya then fuck off! Don’t want you here anymore anyways.”_  
  


That had been the last straw for you. It was pretty silent in the room after those words were spat out and he wished, he pleaded, he begged for you to say something back to him. To have some kind of comment. To fight back. But you didn’t. How could you? You couldn’t force anyone to love you. To care for you. That just wasn’t who you were. 

So you remained silent while he continued to berate you in the home that you shared and allowed him to get it out of his system. Once he was finished, you stalked up to him, still seething with anger and yet so broken and damaged inside, and plucked the ring off your finger. Shoving it into his hand, you grabbed your purse, phone and keys and got into your car. All the while, Harry stood in the living room where you had left him in a daze staring at his palm. 

It wasn’t until the sound of your car turning that he came to the realisation of what had just happened. But he still couldn’t do a thing about it. He knew you deserved better. He made it easy for you right? This way you could move on right? It’s much easier to forget about someone you hate right?

Harry wished he could hate you. Wished that it could be easier for himself. He knew he had to do this. The life that he provided wasn’t what you deserved. You deserved better and he made sure that you would get it. 

It was why he pushed you away. It was why he’d been drinking himself silly till late in the night. Why he avoided you. Because it was easy to forget about someone you don’t know. He made sure he was unrecognisable to you. He did this for you. He wished he hadn’t but he knew he had to. 

You deserved **_better_**. 

Much better than him. 

**Author's Note:**

> [@moxleysbaby on tumblr](https://moxleysbaby.tumblr.com/)   
>  [@mitchellandhighway on tumblr](https://mitchellandhighway.tumblr.com/)   
>  [@callumhiqhway on twitter](https://twitter.com/callumhiqhway)


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